It’s 11 pm, there’s snow quietly falling to the ground, and I can’t believe that I’m writing a blog right now, and taking new steps towards starting a new creative journey.
For the last few years, I have been in this crazy little tunnel of trying to figure out what I want to do with my creativity. This tornado of constant ADHD-fueled craft addictions, wanting to work for myself and trying to chase a dream that I couldn’t quite describe to myself, but I just knew that doing all of this random, cool, artsy stuff was in the right direction. I’m still figuring it out if I’m honest, but I feel like I have been getting closer and closer to that clear picture of what I want.
I have this fear of success, you see. Where I “cock-block” myself into thinking that success for me would be far too much to handle. That the idea of, “what will I do if I am successful?” and what it would mean for me and look like. Because I feel like a lot of what I want to do, is considered influencing. Where I make content, even if it is to teach and talk, and that puts me into a spotlight I’m not sure if I want to be in. I do not like how influencers are treated and perceived currently, it feels foreign. Like I have to give up my soul or something to the world to receive some semblance of recognition. But, I think that teaching and talking is something that my dream is going to consist of, so I guess I’ll have to figure that out. One day.
If you’ve made it this far, I suppose I should introduce myself outside of rambling insecurities. Hey, I’m Izzy, but I also go by Moon. It’s not my real name, which is Alexis, but it’s a name that I go by in both my online existence and even real life. I am 32 years old, a Leo with a Scorpio moon, and I live in the good ol’ Midwest with my dog Ophelia, and the man of my dreams – Ham. I am AUDHD, with severe PTSD, anxiety, and depression so as you can imagine, I’m a bit all over the place! I like watching Ghost Adventures, Forensic Files, and random documentaries on the National Geographic portion of Disney+. I also have a horrible attention span for movies, so 9/10 if it’s not like, something I grew up with, chances are I haven’t seen it and will grumble a whole lot if you ask me to watch it with you – just ask Ham!
As a 90s kid, I grew up playing outside with running, biking, and swimming but I also quickly grew attached to the world of the internet, especially because as I grew more traumatized I stopped doing those outdoor things that I loved. A part of me wishes that it hadn’t turned out that way, because I loved being active with sports and such, but then I also don’t regret the incredible (and sometimes dangerous) world of the internet that I touched and fell in love with. It started with that squeaky opening door and “You’ve Got Mail”, The Sims and Mavis Beacon, some Oregon Trail and Neopets, Club Penguin, and of course Cartoon Networks Summer game…whatever that was called.
Now, at 32, I find myself more indulged than ever with things like SecondLife, The Sims, FiveM, and whatever random websites I find myself scrolling through each day. I also found myself about a year ago, starting to learn how to make my own 3D creations after falling deeply in love with SecondLife and what it had to offer for my creativity. I learned to love roleplay through voice with FiveM and created my own community for quite some time. These two platforms have really shaped what my internet life looks like now, and I can feel that as I learn more, and begin to do more, that love will grow to potentially other platforms and beyond!
I wanted to create Hodgepodge3D’s blog as a space for me to share what I have learned, what I do for fun and experience, to blog for others, and to give back to those who want to take the same steps I currently am in learning new skills and becoming incredible artists no matter what platform you land on! I want to incorporate my love for streaming, video editing, graphic design, mesh creation, and more to bring together a blog full of amazing opportunities and knowledge that I can share and pass down, and who knows what could come of this?
I’m scared, I won’t lie. But, I am really excited and glad you’re on this journey with me!
I hope that I get to use my platform for my thoughts, feelings and creations and that you all enjoy this journey with me.
With Love,
Izzy
